The workweek became like a fast before each weekend binge. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I went to the gym. Tuesdays and Thursdays I ran. I ate healthy, mostly fruits and vegetables, oats for breakfast, fish for protein, and no red meats.

I meditated in the mornings and said prayers of gratitude at night. I breathed through my nose and slept on my back. In the office, I sat at my desk looking at my computer screen, thinking of the weekend. I wrote notes to myself as I pretended to work.

I didn’t think about Hannah anymore. I considered maybe I had only wanted her out of boredom in the office. Now with my new life, her and everyone else in the office seemed inconsequential. I thought of quitting, of course. But I realized I needed it. I needed the structure and the time to decompress.

The weekends bursted at the seams. We lived until we almost lost control. Monday morning was when I pieced it all together. I could lose myself completely on the weekends, like an astronaut in outer space. As long as I had my tether and oxygen line connecting me back to the space station. I could float off without worry and explore because I knew I could return to the sober, structured and healthy week.