I went to walk along but when I did it wasn’t enough just to come and go as I pleased so when it broke down and the rough and tumble cut my teeth then I knew it was time to go like before all the nonsense of the flood that overtook my life in those days and left out all the parts of me that I thought mattered so I didn’t know anymore what to do with all the purpose-driven decisions now broken open by the emotional feelings and art that I didn’t understand but loved so much; I guess the true problem was that I wanted so badly to be God or at least not to die so that anytime I was confronted with my weaknesses or evidence of my mortality then I started to run in the opposite directions and away from my problems where I could at least get some satisfaction from my pursuit of the meta and existential Truth that I wouldn’t ever get and really only ever landed and dressed it in a worldly motivation for girls to love me and read my poetry and fuck away my fear of dying.