i continue to have this sense that the way i am spending my time is not good enough, or maybe, rather, just that i have nothing to show for what i’ve spent my time doing, especially for enjoyable and ephemeral things that had no utility or productiveness.

thinking of this in terms of spending time for pleasure and then judging that time spent for output of some material or otherwise utilitarian gain, as opposed to being grateful and thankful for the pleasure you enjoyed.