When my brother and I were younger, we used to play a game called “spaceship.” He would crawl out of his bed and get into mine, and we would lie next to each other and prepare our cockpits, which involved fluffing pillows and folding sheets and ultimately pulling the top blanket over our heads. Then we were locked in, with our fingers on top of a pillow, pretending it was a dashboard full of different buttons and levers and knobs all different colors and blinking and beeping. It then fell to me to create what we were seeing as we flew through space. Often this involved enemy ships that we battled or asteroids that we dodged or distant planets that we engaged hyperspeed to get to.

Last night, I played spaceship on my own. My brother was not there. He is in St. Louis. We are grown now, but I bet he would still play with me if I asked, even though we would probably need a bigger bed. Anyway, last night I played on my own. I set up the cockpit and started to imagine what I was seeing in space. I did not imagine any enemy ships, for whatever reason. I mostly imagined asteroids and small planets that I had to lean my shoulders left and right to dodge. Then I imagined nothing, and this is what struck me.

Without creating any other celestial objects in my mind’s eye, there was only black dark space. I imagined myself flying in a spaceship alone through the empty void. I cannot remember how long I stayed awake doing this.