i’m exhausted by the constant need to create conversely kept inside all this time waiting to be formed into words what touch his skin and glaze his eyeballs so that there is a balance between tiredness from saying and overflowing from remembering best left Lewis to come as it willAnd I think about much other than staying alive and letting him know as it always dies and everybody just from getting out of bed and walking out the door and hearing and seeing and trying to have read enough to put that into words

me and baby making furniture together and unpacking boxes finally feeling more moved in a sense of building a life and settling and establishing it domestic existence that I am in complete control for the first time being here with baby and feeling like that scene in Benjamin button where they live on the mattress in the middle of the floor in the empty apartment and wondering if I think back years from now on this having been the start of the rest but more than anything happy to have come this far baby doesn’t like the legs on the bookshelf because they’re plastic and don’t fit the aesthetic of the rest of the apartment she wanted me to build it to see it first but I have a feeling she might see it and say it’s OK for a day but then see the plastic legs a week later and want to get rid of it but I am happy to build it either way baby laughing at me as I say this in my phone I’m also excited toMove the stacks of books off the living room tables into the bookshelf