Sometimes I get sick for a week and I imagine it’s going to be the end soon. I get irrational anxiety about having brain cancer or some disease. Then miraculously the next week I’ll be healthy again. I tell myself that God was about to off me but then he decided I’m not really done yet and I still have work to do. I’m doing everything to find out what that work is. But if I knew what it was I’m not sure I’d actually do it, even if I could. Because I want to stay alive. If god found out I was holding out on him he’d probably kill me anyway.