feeling mattering more as long as you’re all right OK enough carrying on what is actually mattering only in so far as it is connected by some formula or calculation to how you feel not being completely off the sun still generally making warm and feel good but still sometimes the opposite sun burning and turning away so what there is mattering almost not at all except for what will kill and end everything needing to pay particular attention to danger but otherwise not mattering color words shapes time and events passing having no effect other than the effect that you won’t be interpreting fact by way of feeling and giving human weight to matter only in the case that it is interpreted or thought of or felt but otherwise just being on its own meaningless almost I want to say but being so humanist and I thought nothing could possibly could possibly matter beyond or outside of us similar to the thought I have about my own ego myself mattery more so I thought until age 23 or so but now thinking at least that man matters others matter but that empathy still not extending outside my species I suppose the next step by age 50 or soOr maybe quicker that empathy will extend to living things and then maybe before dying it will extend to everything and maybe nothing as well