like laughing after barely avoiding death, some of our joy makes no sense at all
Category: Cent-enss
Banal
Sometimes it’s not the words that matter; it’s how you say them.
Desire vs. real hunger
So often I am jumping at the slightest desire, before letting myself achieve actual hunger.
.
that your opinion is the popular one is not an absolute defense.
Stephen Dedalus
I had my coming-of-age in the not so sexless ruins of a revolution.
Oughta
I thought I oughta do so before someone else does. So I did.
Obey
Doing what you’re told can be useful practice for when you start telling yourself.
Good and bad
When it’s good it’s good, but God, when it’s bad, oh God.
Good life
The universe has conspired to grant me a good life.
Seldom deep
I’ve seldom time to look deep down. I’ve cared about what I can.
Love change
Do we change until we become someone that somebody will love?
Slowly and consistently
You cannot do everything all at once, you can only do it slowly and consistently with the time you’ve got.
What changed
I don’t remember what changed about me, but’s it been who I am ever since.
Huff
I huff and huff on this glue that keeps me sober and grounded in reality.
The most depressed men
The most depressed men must have too much desire and not enough ability.
You were fire
You were fire when you were born, you must relax when you let go.
Sober
Stay sober tonight. I have to remind myself.
Truth
Truth to me is what happens the same way more than a couple times.
Just as easily
I think of just how easily it could have been this or that other way.
Q&A
The question, asked more and more accurately, becomes the answer.
Tell me now
Tell me now before we get too tired, are you with me to the end?
I
I am what I was and will be what I will, always.
Send it
We gotta send it deep into the dark Bohemian night.
Happy and loud
They were so happy and loud, we just listened.
Sickness
I have the sickness. One day it will kill me. For now it makes me live.
Need it new
I can’t have what I want. I need it new. It gets older and older every time.
We will die
We’re going to die and everything else will move on and it won’t matter. So let’s take advantage of it while we got it.
Sleep is death, wake is birth
The next day we would live that day over again, and over and over until we died. For we died every night, and awoke every morning, reborn.
–
I was really enjoying quite an ordinary day.
Beautiful depressed
On a beautiful morning like this, I wonder how could I have been so depressed last night?
Don’t
There is much pressure to release. Do not; keep going.
Morning
It’s on these mornings that I can’t get back to sleep, and must wake up to live.
People watching
I imagined them and their lives, what they must do and where they must come from.
Dream
I dream and die and remember life is precious.
Open and honest
I’m not embarrassed if it’s argued for.
Forward
My anxiety about failure and fear of death keeps me awake and drives me forward.
Satisfied
I haven’t written much lately because I’ve been so sedated and satisfied with the city. Funny, that even satisfaction becomes dissatisfying. I can’t write without a reason to put my pen to the paper. And when my hands and eyes and heart and mind are so preoccupied with what brings me joy, I think to myself I could live on like this and die and never write again. But then I wake up on Sunday morning with blank pages and not even memories of the last couple days. I am dissatisfied and so completes the circle; I pick up my pen and begin to write again.
San Francisco
I moved to San Francisco to collect stories, and in doing so, became my characters.
She
She has the strength to weaken me, and the weakness to strengthen.
Game
Life is a game. Stop asking so many questions about the rules; just play and get better for the love of the sport.
Fiction lives
I like to read fiction characters as possibilities for lives I’m not yet living.
Documenting
I’m still at a point, both as a writer and in life, where I’m just documenting; I haven’t seen enough to make any claims yet.
Back
I’m back for a while.
Sick
I like to be sick and lay in bed all day and escape the world and obligations of a healthy person.
Love
I could’ve loved anyone to that night and that music.
Ode
Any good writing is an ode to the language itself.
One
There’s a little bit of everyone in anyone.
Amazing
Amazing how I worry about nothing after a weekend of so many flowers.
Common
There are only so many combinations of common words.
Read
I read a little less; in the city, I’m constantly reading into all the experiences around me.
Sex
You think sex is what you need until you’re having so much and then you think, what now?
Shadows
The way shadows can hide just the right parts of a body.
Live
I am constantly trying to live so that my life is a worthy subject of my writing.
Sleep
Lately it’s gotten hard to sleep; there are things I’d rather do than sleep anyway.
My own character
I am constantly trying to live up to my writing.
Let go
Let go of the need to sound right.
Work
I’m not working hard enough to be thankful for not having to work.
Piece
A piece that discovers the meaning of meaning, held together by itself and nothing else.
Wonder
I wonder what it will be calm when it dies but then they get once that it won’t and once I think it won’t I wonder if it ever did and how we’re going to make it with things the way they are.
Be
Don’t create all these ideas about who you are and what you do just keep doing and become.
Explode
My mental ego inflated until I couldn’t take it anymore and exploded out of my physical self.
Float
I get caught up and let it carry me along.
Absurd
I think up absurd things and wonder if they’ve ever really happened.
Coffee
Other than a coffee machine, the toilet is the most important thing in a coffee house.
Job
People say, “I’m just doing my job.” Like that’s a legitimate excuse.
Party
For an artist, you don’t work to party more; you party to work more.
Generations
There are some things we can only learn for ourselves; mental things that can’t be written down, recorded, even passed from parent to child; things that we lose between generations.
Might as well
It’s that feeling of might as well because the opportunity cost of losing time is too high.
Loose
A lot of the time I leave it out loosely goosey and just let it be.
Two things
Something to be normal and part of society, and something that’s you.
Solitude
Only in solitude can one encounter the clarity of oneself, and it is this richness which one has to offer the community.
Revolutionary
He had all the makings of a revolutionary except the necessary resolve in any one particular ideology.
Handstand
I stand in my apartment, on my hands; and let the blood rush, from my heart, to my head.
Bad writing
I must take my hyper-self-awareness, and turn it on others; if I’m ever to write, anything other, than loves stories, to myself.
Coffee
I drink enough coffee, to fuel a factory—which, for me, is a few tablespoons.
Set
I’m still quite set in.
Lot
Like a lot of little pieces.
Up and down
Once you’ve really gotten up and outside, it’s hard to get down and back in.
Conditioning
Is my attempt to resist conditioning, itself conditioned?
Patience
I have patience when I must—because, when I can afford not to, I don’t have any.
Start
The only thing to do is start, and then keep on going.
Only so deep
You can only go so deep before it becomes you.
Healthy
I wonder about doing things that aren’t healthy for humans.
People watching
I watch people watch themselves in store windows.
Sleep writing
I turn pages that I won’t remember but can’t wake to write.
Like and love
I like her but I love the newness.
Ourselves
Diverse striver, lone wolf, critical counterculturist, new traditionalist, engaged idealist—these we call ourselves.
Life and death
I don’t think I’d live if not for death.
Moments
I chase every minute after these moments that I only get once or twice a month; they always make it worth it.
Principles and examples
I now know most of the principles, and continue to experience examples. Same principles; facts change. The same themes with different narratives.
Energy
You get the energy that you put out to the world; it comes back to you.
Potential
I see so much potential everywhere, like everything could just burst out of itself and explode all at once; you wouldn’t be able to tell a lady bug from a pinto bean.
Moody dictionary
My definitions change with my mood.
Pupils
After a purifying experience the darks of my pupils are black and clear and reflective.
Stone face
His face was one that had been washed over and over again like a smooth stone in the river.
Believe
If there are two stories and I can’t prove either one I might as well believe the better story.
Survive
To survive, to keep body and soul together.
I’m getting tired of titles
What an odd little soldier that doesn’t fight back and would just die if you let him.
Ascetic hair
By his virtues, is an ascetic bald or long-haired?
Weeks pass
I notice the pace picking up as weeks pass by.
Divine food chain
God is man’s predator.
Go-between
I live this weird go-between life in the middle of sane and insane, artistic and scientific, alive and dead, in between all these things.
Walk
Sometimes I just walk; it’s easier to pick a direction than a word.
Eyelid notes
I write things down on little pieces of paper behind my eyelids and then fold them back to store in my brain but I can never find them again most of the time.
Come belong here for a while
I use infinite words for short periods of time.
Dreams
Dreams are this weirdly objective part of our minds, where we just be without fear of judgment, I think a lot of art happens in our dreams, this is a daydream journal.
Higher
I feel just caught in the cycle of life, unless I’m creating or loving—these two things are higher.
Dead
Life goes on until it doesn’t.
Inter-art
She wrote me a painting, and I sang it to my other lover.
Why and how
Up and out for why; down and in for how.
Twisted
I try not to think about my instincts too much, otherwise I tend to pervert my conditioned frameworks.
Straight and wavy
A Buddhist baseline with emotional undulations.
Rich diagonals
People live in their verticals, without learning to move side to side, and thus closed off from the richness of the diagonals.
Together
It all comes together.
Spending time
I don’t make the sacrifices required to get rich, I’m too busy spending my time.
Part of One
Building frameworks to understand my Divine self, to understand the part of One of my self, to understand everything.
You try to see your one self but there are many, you are a composite, and at the same time there is a larger One composite, of which you are one part.
In the middle
In the middle where it mixes that’s where you make your move.
Feeling you
Nothing like when people are feeling your art.
Good question
What kinds of things are you interested in thinking about?
Daily life
Every day I live and every night I die.
Ups and downs
There are ups and downs—doesn’t knowledge of that fact keep you in the middle?
Be slowly
Time moves as fast as it does.
World away
Today I walked a world away, just to hear their people say: we danced along today, to the music we could not hear.
Nature
Are we in accordance with our nature? Or must we fight it to rise above it?
World taste
I feel like I tasted the whole world right then and there.
Age
How arbitrary the number of days for which we are chosen before lying down forever and rejoining the rest.
Up
Up through my body, through my mind, and pushed my soul higher and higher.
Ordinary
I love that when you meet someone new and you really meet them and they become the most interesting person in the world for a few minutes.
Touch points
Micro quality, macro quantity.
Days are lifetimes
I’ve already lived so many lives.
A lot
There’s a lot going on right now.
Higher
You opened the words out of me to describe higher things.
Them and now
I am tempted to be myself and to think of past and future. But I am them, they are I, and everything is present at once.
Future past
What is now will be a past in the future.
Pupil windows
Bigger pupils are bigger windows for the world to come in.
Mirror
I feel like you’re looking at me through a mirror.
Laughter
Laughter brings us back.
It is
It is that which claims not to be.
Winter well away
It was a winter well away which occupied that summer day.
Memory
Losing your memory is like dying, or like waking up.
One high day
What if my whole life was one day, and I got high that day.
Idk
You have to have a feeling that your extraordinary melody is out.
Being human
Sometimes being human is more important than knowing.
Action and reaction
How glorious that actions I have committed in the past are met with the same reactions as before.
Weapons within me
If I compound fractured my leg and then cut my finger on the pointy bone sticking out—wouldn’t that be ironic?
Of it
It is of it that we are, though we needn’t be, for it always was, even before us, anyhow.
I am my history
I am my history surely; but if I am more than material then I am so much more.
Useless truths
Only some of the truths have anything to do with keeping me healthy as a human. Truths that don’t matter are currency in an anarchy.
Classic bigger
I’m always after bigger, and not just the bigger according to our modern fashions, but a classic bigger.
Energy body
I’ve got a body full of energy and a day to be created.
Foundation
This year has cemented a foundation of who I am.
Rain
I hope it really starts to blow when I am watching, just laying there to pay attention to the rain.
Loud and bright
Everything is quite loud and bright to me now, even though everyone else seems to think it is just as usual.
Infinite
Infinite in the sense that it has happened, and therefore always will have, and may even have always been certain to.
Then
Often then it was as it should now be.
Where
Oh God where comes it from?
Rain boots
I have these rain boots that I wear to tramp through rain.
Digression
A conscious digression from the structure then contributes its creativity back to amend the structure.
Kiss of wind
The wind came in to kiss me this morning.
Ice cubes
The ice cubes are made out of ice.
Angel slaves
What if we’re all slaves to an angel trade?
Move on
I forget about you by remembering everyone else.
A social love
A social love: not because he’s great, but because other people think he’s great.
Faceless
My identity is my lack thereof.
Early
I wake up early not to begin my day but to watch the morning.
Thankful
I am thankful that so many other humans speak my language.
Black and white
Black and white parts of a grey whole.
How
How little you know about how much you and anybody else knows anyhow.
Sex and love
Sex is of structure, love is of chaos.
Art and world
The art has to be packaged within the world, the chaos within the order, you must follow the rules to break them.
Two bikes
I see two young men ride by on their bikes—they are the same, or at least appear so: combed over hair, sunglasses, and sweaters.
Pine
A pine branch waves with its needle fingers.
All
I find all of history in one moment; all of knowledge in one idea; all of space in one atom.
Art freedom
Artists have more freedom, or less; it depends whether freedom comes from rules.
Hands
My hands are creepy crawly things, and big blobs when folded together.
Trick
Once you have seen the trick, it is only by great effort that you fool yourself again.
Sublime
I delight in the sublime, really truly seeing the world for the first time.
Sanity
A sane mind looks up and outside of itself.
Day
I wake up to get to know a day.
General feeling
As time goes on, I notice fewer particulars, and melt slowly into a general feeling.
To write
To write, I go to the symphony, watch a beggar beg, close my eyes and listen to my breath, watching myself.
Banana
Unripe bananas taste like youth.
Turn
Begin time to turn me. Turn and say, “Yes.”
Stepwise
That it may lie along someday, beating back its own way, into the stepwise.
Cut
In the cut, on the fringe, where all creation is born, but where I myself die.
Summer smells
Waking up one summer to smells that were not real before.
Answers
There mightn’t be right answers.
Day
Life is a long day, and death is a longer night. Like I am happy to sleep when I have been awake too long, might I in old age be happy to die?
Eyelids
When I return to the light behind my eyelids.