Category: And-throw

Selfish

I am too eager. I claw at the earth with my bare hands in search of precious stones. Who said that the stones are precious? Why do I care that they said so? What do I seek by acquiring the stones?

If I would wait, the stones would unearth themselves. A river would divert its course to flow over this land and move away the sediment. The wind would blow away the layers of sand. But I do not have enough time. I have only a lifetime, and I do not know how long even that will be.

If I am to have the stones for myself, I must act quickly. I cannot wait for the forces of nature to do my work for me. I will not live long enough to take possession of the fruits of nature’s labor. So I go to the toolshed and return with a shovel. I start to dig more effectively than with my hands.

Why must I have the stones? Why am I not satisfied that someone else should have them? Why do they need to be had by any human? Why can they not stay in the earth where they are?

I am selfish on two levels. First, I think only of myself. Second, I think only of those who are like me; I think only of the human species.

When I remember that I am one with this world, then progress and development, especially economic, seem silly.

There are two wills at play. There is the collective will of humanity and there is the will of the natural world. As a species, we have grown strong and capable of bringing our will to bear, to great effect on the natural world. In many instances, the will of man overpowers the will of the natural world.

Then again, maybe this is the way of things. Maybe the surge in humanity’s power is not at odds with the will of the natural world. The will of the natural world will curtail man’s power in time.

Originally written: Friday, July 9, 2021, 11:28 AM

Posted on by Cole

Burnt the fuck out man

Have we done enough
In the meantime

To earn our right
To eat and sleep
Again

God damn
That’s all we do

Eat, sleep, eat, sleep
Try to fuck
With a semblance
Of the passion
That some great great
Grandfather of mine
Who I will never know
Fucked with
The passion he fucked with
That birthed
All the generations
That fucked with
Gradually less and less passion
As certain men and women
Fucked with such passion
To birth, not more
Men and women
But advances in science
That established so strongly
Our position on this earth
As a species
That those of us now
Don’t know what the fuck
To do with ourselves

It’s all a big sham
In these modern times

The only life that’s real
Is the surviving
The eating and being eaten
The sex and reproduction

And these originals acts
We still perform

But we are only
Going through the motions

There are no
Noble professions left
Other than
Being a burnout

Our species has burnt out

The only generations
That had to fight
In order to survive
Have long since died

Everything we do now
Is just killing time

Literally thousands of people
Over thousands of years
Have spent their lifetimes
Trying to come up with
Some meaning for our existence
And they can’t fucking do it

We’ve taken over the whole planet
And now we just want it to mean something
In the meantime
As we continue to exist
On the planet we’ve conquered
Each of us as individuals even
Want our individuals lives to mean something

Fuck me man
For once I should publish a poem
With all the expletives
And the rawness
As I wrote it

Because god damn
Of course I’m going to edit out
All the curse words
When I’m sitting in the apartment
And not feeling a damn thing
Other than the desire
To make the poetry good somehow

August 08, 2021 at 02:58PM

Posted on by Cole

Sky hunger

On the porch
The smell of chicken on the grill
Draws eyes back inward
Through the gut
To pull down a moment of beauty
Watching clouds pass slowly
In the blue sky
Back into very real desires of hunger
More pressing to an untrained mind
Than the allure of pure beauty
To be seen
But not eaten

Posted on by Cole

the game of tag

To chase and catch

But not devour

The game of tag

Is primal

Prepared for bodies

That had to hunt

In order to eat

—Now,

It’s just a game

Posted on by Cole

go so cerebral

don’t always

close your eyes

and go so

cerebral

open them

and find what

our primal senses

are more familiar

with understanding

Posted on by Cole

i am therefore i should

i am what i am.

i am human.

of all things, ideas and intellect are highly human.

language is our tool for communicating ideas and intellect.

writing is the art of language.

i am a writer.

Posted on by Cole

man-made man

think of how much in the city is man-made. surely at some point we were god’s creation. now, if we assume that our environment influences what we become, how is man affecting the creation of each subsequent generation. especially for those who grow up walking in paved cement, surround by steel buildings, and street lights and planes overhead. the city creates a whole other species.

Posted on by Cole

fear as an argument for god

darkness isn’t just red and devils, it’s your identity breaking up, life having no meaning, and other more metaphysical fears. from where do these fears come? if not from our animal selves just trying to survive, from where then?

Posted on by Cole

Balance in history

Some individuals, who have really worked hard at it, find balance in their lifetime. Lifetimes are self-contained and subjected to relatively static identity that flows from an individual Will. One person can build up to a specific goal before death, and that goal is subjected to a Will that may fluctuate, but within a range and non-randomly.

As a society, for the masses, however, there is only a very volatile general consensus that does fluctuate based on individual preferences that are mashed together and averaged. Because of this, history swings back and forth between extremes.

Posted on by Cole

Still there remains an inner void

Like someone said, “Every generation thinks they invented sex.” And every other great nation might very well have felt the same way, at least the upper classes. But they eventually realized, as we are now, that our external circumstances are arbitrary and still there remains an inner void. Which is when we feel the darkness and the dread, without even our earthly needs and struggle for survival to distract us, we start to think about philosophy. New needs arise. With power over our mortality, we begin to think, and discover too late that thinking is the worst thing to do. I believe we will endure a great intellectual depression, like diving deep in the ocean without a headlamp. When all this time we’ve been in a small boat on the surface. And at first the deep dark ocean will terrify us, until we reach the ocean floor and turn on a light, that was within ourselves the whole time, to illuminate everything.

Posted on by Cole

Sick

Being sick makes things simple. You become like an animal again and worry only about being healthy and nothing else.

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Humanity

Humanity, the real stuff—looking into someone’s eyes, feeling their skin—the important stuff, you have only one lifetime to learn; you cannot read it in the history books.

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Run

Running up a hill, nearing muscle failure, fight or flight makes sense: whether, based on your body, your energy expended before muscle failure will result in a won fight or an escaped flight, makes the choice. If both result in death, I suppose you choose the best odds.

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Enlightenment

The Enlightenment advocated reason as a primary value of society; only that reason is an unstable foundation for society, if it reduces to uncertainties, especially in ethics.

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Healthy

There are laws for a healthy life; and there is truth. And they are not necessarily the same thing—is this the absurdist claim? That we are coming of age and out of our former animal selves. There is a way to be, even in the modern world, to satisfy our age-old instincts; and then there are higher values up and out of and, sometimes, directly counter to our animality. So which do we pursue?

Posted on by Cole

Morality

Instinct is the moral code born in us; survival is its supreme value. As society became essential for survival, a new moral code of social law sometimes superseded instinct. And now there is reason and it’s supreme value is truth—only a certain absurdism comes from there being nothing certainly truthful about morality.

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Together

There came a point when we began to be together in this. Together, is a part of who we are as individuals. If we wish to maintain these heights, we cannot go back.

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Surviving

I like it when I ask someone how they’re doing and they say they’re surviving. Sometimes I’d like to respond, “You’re such an animal, man.” I think they’d like that.

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Bird

I looked at a bird and her two eyes and thought we are not so different.

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Fashion

I wear what I think I should. Fashion is skewed largely towards form in a world of environments so regulated as to have less need for clothes for their original purpose.

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Energy

When I say energy I mean the things we can’t describe, I mean the parts of the physical world that we can’t explain yet but still experience, I mean the emotions that are fossils of our million year old conditioning, fossils with whose origins time has put us out of touch; when I say energy I mean the things we feel but don’t understand.

The spiritual is just what is currently beyond us but not necessarily so, maybe the spiritual is the corners of the physical world we haven’t found yet, maybe religion is just what we can’t describe; I’m not sure about religion, really, but I’m sure about what I feel for my fellow human beings, and caveman conditioning or not, I feel it.

Posted on by Cole

Twisted

I try not to think about my instincts too much, otherwise I tend to pervert my conditioned frameworks.

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Godlike

Those of us born into this modern generation without firsthand experience of our animal past sometimes take for granted how close we have now come to living like gods.

Posted on by Cole