What must anxiety do without making me do something or else just worrying and having learned that the worrying itself takes energy too and so might as well take that energy and do something about it to solve for the anxiety that will suck up the energy anyway and this may be why I tell her I don’t  want to be happy because it is the anxiety and the dissatisfaction and needing more which all together make me feel like I don’t have enough right now but she tells me feeling like I have enough is the key to happiness but I don’t want to feel that way I say and if having enough is what will make it so then I want to keep wanting more and can’t stop myself at least not now while I’m young and full of it but maybe later on.