Well, what is it that you’re so worried about? I’d rather not say. Why? What is it? What could be so bad? Well he said. Then he stopped he was about to say it but he didn’t. Yeah, you know, I really just not rather say rather not say. I OK, the other guy put his hands in the air and then slapped them down on his lap and picked up his beer to take a drink. If you’d rather not say, that’s fine. We can just talk about it generally. So there’s this thing italicize thing, and it’s been bothering you.
Cole Feldman:
For the beginning of the short story about the guys having a beer… The first dialogue should be so what did the doctor say? She said I’m fine the EKG the bloodwork and the x-rays all came back normal. So what does she think it is then. She doesn’t know. She said it might be anxiety. Well, have you been feeling anxious? Yeah, a little, I guess. I didn’t really think about it until she told me she thought that’s what might be causing my chest tightness. This other nurse came in and asked me a bunch of questions and then I feel Out of form and they asked me if I want to meet with a therapist about my worrying problem I said what do you mean by worrying problem and she pointed to a section on the questionnaire where I circled three for all the answers. Then she said it looks like you worry a lot. Well I guess I do. The other guy asked what are you wearing about?
Cole Feldman:
Well, if it’s probably not gonna happen, can you just forget about it? I’ve tried. I can forget sometimes, like when I’m focused on something else. Reading a book or working at my desk or exercising. But then it always comes back but I have nothing else to think about it’s the first thing I think about when I wake up in the morning.
I don’t understand why can’t you just forget about it it’s gone. I know I don’t understand either I guess I have less control over my mind that I thought. Maybe if I drink 10 more of these beers then I can forget about it.
Cole Feldman:
Hey man, when’s the last time you shaved? Ahlf looked up, he did stare down into the bottom of his beer, as of coming out of a days his eyes were glassy what? He asked then he raised his palm absentmindedly to his cheek and rubbed it. Oh, he said. As if he had just realize he was growing a beard. I don’t know maybe a week ago, maybe two. Clive noticed Ahlf was maybe a little more drunk than I thought. Say, when did you get here? You said to meet you here at 7 PM and I was here right on time. Did you make it here before me and start drinking on your own? Yeah, I got here a little early. Oh hey, I need to go to the bathroom. Then I’ve got up and walked to the back of the bar. Clive took a drink of his beer. Then the bartender came over washing a glass of the rag. Hey Sir I don’t mean to be eavesdropping but I overheard your conversation with your friend And I thought you should know he’s been here all afternoon. I think that’s his fifth beer is made if my accounting is correct and he ordered two shots first thing when he sat down on the bar.
Lake Heckaman:
hello
hows your doctor appointments/heart doing?
Cole Feldman:
Hey friend
Appointments went well. I got an EKG, blood work, and an x-ray. All came back normal. Doc said it might be anxiety. I have another appointment with a “behavioral consultant” on the 12th
Thanks for asking ?
How are you doing? Posted up in NY?
Lake Heckaman:
what do you think is causing anxiety
ya i’m just chilling enjoying the fall and trying not work too much haha
Cole Feldman:
Generally, I have more time to think and less distractions as I’m not working 10-hour days
Specifically, I obsessively worry. The small possibility occurs to me that something bad could happen and then I follow that train of thought to the worst case scenario and then run that worst case scenario on a loop in my head.
A year ago I thought they were external problems but not I’m starting to see the mental pattern and realizing that I literally make up things to worry about
And there are actual risks but they are like 0.00001% risks and I’m not spending the appropriate amount of time thinking about them
Like there’s a chance I’ll get in an accident every time I get in a car, but I don’t think about it, ya know?
Lake Heckaman:
yes totally – that seems like a somewhat painful but probably healthy realization to have
but it sounds like you know it’s irrational – what do you think causes the worries to continue after you say to yourself “there’s only a 0.00001% chance of this happening”?
or is it more like you’re just in the part now where you’re trying to retrain your mind
Cole Feldman:
That’s the question!
It’s like my mind isn’t obeying the rationality
But I think what it is is the magnitude of the worst case scenario
You know, kinda like expected value
Except more like expected doom
Even if there’s a low chance
The possibility is SO bad that even the slightest chance is worrisome
Lake Heckaman:
yeah i get that
i think everyone struggles with this to some degree – i def used to way more than i do now
and still actively do esp related to work stuff sometimes
so i guess a better question is
what are you gonna do to try to change the way your mind is working?
Cole Feldman:
Mainly meditating
These worries are thoughts
When I meditate, I see my thoughts, but don’t engage them
I’ve been spending 10-15 minutes nightly
I can increase that
Lake Heckaman:
if i can make a suggestion
i think you also need to learn how to engage them in a constructive way
simple engagement is not me easily enough
easier said than done but i think important
Cole Feldman:
Hmm, I think you’re right
Maybe I’m trying to avoid them too much
Do you have any suggestions for engagement methods?
Lake Heckaman:
something that i do a lot when it comes to non-fatal worries is when reflecting to almost assume/believe the event actually did happen
and think of the world as it would be then / what i would actually practically have to do in that scenario
for me, that does 2 things
1. most of the time i realize the actual impact of an event would be lower than my first instinct (eg what happens if i get fired tomorrow)
2. establish a clear plan for just in case which for me just eases my worry since i know what i’ll have to do. even if that thing is unpleasant
i’ve also been increasingly a fan of trying intently to put actual probability on things and then instead of worrying about the worst possible thing, force myself to first worry only about the most likely worst case – whcih also let’s me plan and feel more at east
ease
there’s a different class of worry that i would say is more existential dread (what if my family dies tomorrow or i die today or i never see my gf again) that the above doesn’t really work for – those are harder but at least for me, grounding in probability theory and really internalizing “okay if this is just as likely to happen as getting struck by lightning in the next minute, and i’m not scared of that, then…”
Cole Feldman:
I think this makes a lot of sense: trying to put actual probability on things and then instead of worrying about the worst possible thing, force myself to first worry only about the most likely worst case
And makes me realize how irrational I am
I definitely worry about things that are .0000001% and there are probably things that are like .01% and way more likely that I’m not even considering or actively working on preventing
What exactly would you say makes the existential dread class different? Just because they’re way worse outcomes?
And it seems like your answer to the existential dread ones is also probability?
Again, I think this logic makes a lot of sense: “okay if this is just as likely to happen as getting struck by lightning in the next minute, and i’m not scared of that, then…”
Lake Heckaman:
yeah the general logic is the same, the difference is just in how you frame it
since you can not really imagine how to act ina world i’m which ur dead
all comes down to accurately assessing the probability or at least making an attempt to
https://ift.tt/2WH3Bqw
not 1:1 on this issue but it drives the point home
Cole Feldman:
Sweet, I’ll read that article later
Thanks for helping me talk through this
How’s it going with trying not to work so much?
Made any dope art lately?
Lake Heckaman:
i am always happy to talk
esp on things like this
honestly i’m working a ton
https://ift.tt/2WH3Bqw