A love letter – February 5, 2017

I love you. At first, I ignored you because I couldn’t risk getting close to you, actualizing my love, whether it was requited or not; the fall would have been too far. Then second, I ignored you because I wanted to say I love you but couldn’t because I wasn’t worthy of you. So I went away to improve myself. But am now realizing there is much more to improve before I am worthy of you. And it’s going to take time. And I can’t stand to be near you in the meantime. Because it only makes me want you more. And I can’t stand to hear about the other people you’re with. And I know you need a lot. And I want to become all of that. But it’s going to take some time. And even if on your doorstep years from now I’m still not enough, I’ll have to live with that. And if you’re with someone else, I’ll have to live with that too. And if you didn’t even want me in the first place and even after all my work you still don’t want me, well I suppose it might kill me and if it doesn’t at least I’ll have something to do until I get too old to love anymore. But right now I can’t say I love you and mean it, and that’s the only way I can stand to be with you. Oh, and one last thing: thank you. Most of the time it hurts but to love like this is I think the closest thing to the meaning of life I’ve ever felt.