I watched a beautiful man sneeze today. He stood there on the sidewalk with his hands in his pockets, looking like a god. Then he scrunched his nose, threw his head back, and convulsed. And I thought, ah, he is human.

Electric shavers would make good soldiers. The one I have has been sitting in my toiletry bag. It’s been at least a week since the last time I shaved. I took it out of the bag and pressed the button and it started buzzing like mad right away. Such power. Such obedience. It sits there in the bag—silently, not moving. And then, at a moment’s notice, when I give the command, it’s firing on all cylinders.