Watching the water boil I realize I am usually doing something else like cutting the onion when the first bubbles rise to the top. Now that I actually take time to watch this event, when bubbles cover the pot’s floor, before the first few crawl up the sides, I feel a little fear, like an explosion is imminent. Silently and drawing you in until the surface explodes and then comes the noise that usually draws my attention away from cutting the onion and so then I start to see what I’ve seen so many times before. How many other small explosions do I miss? Simply because I am not paying attention.
Month: January 2019
generally specific
only so much can be said specifically, but much can be said generally, because it can become much—different things, to each of many who hear it. specifically, it is the same to all.
sense and nonsense
like things make sense that don’t normally when you are under the influence of drugs, but not when you’re sober; or when you’re in love, but not when you’re out of it; or in the early morning, but not at night—though the sun can be as overwhelming and drunk as it can be Apollonian and precise—there is some Dionysus in the sun, when it is its most powerful.
pat yourself on the back
who can compliment a man as well as himself? not only for what he knows but also for what he would like to hear you say. if he could whisper to you and erase his memory before hearing you say it, then he would be the happiest.
typewriter monkeys
it is a curious thing that a man who has written for so long should not have written anything good, at least for what they say about enough monkeys and their typewriters.
sitting on the overpass
how much goes
in between cars
as we sit on
the overpass
dangling our legs
over the highway
counting
the seconds
sometimes much
sometimes little
until the traffic jam
during rush hour
when our work day
is done too
and we get up
off the overpass
to walk on the
sidewalk home
writing for them for her
she makes me write poetry
that the world can read,
so she can see
what they think of me;
otherwise i would write
only for myself,
and go off alone.
i wish she would
see it one her own,
what only i see;
but this is expecting
too much of her;
she will see it
through them,
so i write
for them.
late an artist
i only late became an artist,
once i got to a world where i could;
if i could have started earlier,
how far i would have gotten
auto-poetry
sometimes i check my notepad,
in hopes that some poetry
has written itself for once
deciding
the difficulty is not to decide. you will decide no matter what. to sit still, even, is a decision. to do nothing is a decision. the difficulty is deciding rightly. especially because with every decision there are so many options, and if you have not studied, you will only know very few of them, a few which may not contain the most right one.
adverbs are heavier than nouns
adverbs have more conceptual weight than nouns. for example, the words “much” or “more” – if you make them into nouns, muchness and moreness. those concepts are much richer than any noun, say, “flamingo” or “teapot.” those nouns are very much themselves and just themselves.
writing while living
being in an experience and simultaneously writing about it is impossible. like the principle of the observer changing the observed just by observing.
fear as an argument for god
darkness isn’t just red and devils, it’s your identity breaking up, life having no meaning, and other more metaphysical fears. from where do these fears come? if not from our animal selves just trying to survive, from where then?
sex is
sex is the heights so that’s what you chase after when you’re overwhelmed and can’t take it anymore and rather than continue to contemplate yourself, you seek for something in which yourself can be reborn, but you’re really just trying to escape from that need to describe – that’s what sex is, escaping the need to describe, putting your obligation to live into your seed for the next generation to take up your burden for you. avoid this if you can. describe yourself. describe what there is. stay pitted when it’s uncomfortable. use words to describe like now as you’re in the club and you were thinking and you thought it was all too much so you said to yourself, why even try to write? but here you are writing it and you’re getting it with your words.
theories about yourself
you create these theories about yourself and take them as truth before they’re tested; with only so much time to test, however, you don’t really have a choice. but you do have a choice to remain humble and remember that most of your theories are untested, especially when someone challenges you with good intentions.
Some more
in a hungover life
of fragmented realities
which is real if any?
even the the one world
where you create your noose
out of thin air doesn’t
end up hanging