You get the energy that you put out to the world; it comes back to you.
Month: August 2017
Western and eastern
Western mind, eastern soul; western eyes and ears, eastern heart and lungs.
Human art
Is not art necessarily a human thing end-to-end, a word we created to describe things that only we perceive, if esse est percipi.
I
I was the first character i ever wrote … and still am.
Potential
I see so much potential everywhere, like everything could just burst out of itself and explode all at once; you wouldn’t be able to tell a lady bug from a pinto bean.
Curious child
Just like my child body, my child mind used to run all over as fast as it could in and out of smaller spaces and up and down big spaces; now my older mind, like my older body, conserves its energy—sitting on the shore with binoculars watching ships, waiting for one with treasure and worth the swim before I neatly undress and efficiently swim out. Only some ships keep their treasure beneath the deck, and those are the ships I boarded when I was young. Creativity is surreal. When I was younger, I created, because nothing was too surreal to inhibit my chasing after it. Now, I conserve my energy and err toward real pursuits.
To think and write
First I am a classic thinker, and then a contemporary american writer as a natural consequence.
Free train
Are you really free? Do you remember boarding this train? Did you choose it?
Does it not bother you a little that your political views align exactly with where you come from? And that your natural abilities are from your parents?
Does it not make you a little dubious as to who invented you? Don’t you want to invent yourself? Or are you fine to merely board the train and watch the pretty views out the window?
For me, I want to build the train, the track, and the whole planet it’s tracked on.
Balance between east and west
Something between the Randian obsession with american industrialists and Hessian obsession with eastern ascetics; Hesse was closer to the balance of the two, but Hesse focused more on a philosophical exactitude rather than an economic.
Glass me
I see myself in glass on storefront windows.
Moody dictionary
My definitions change with my mood.
Pinched
I like to keep a job so I stay pinched in a world of angles and boundaries and numbers; if I’m an artist all day I float away.
No worries
I’m usually very clean and fed and safe and satisfied.
Little space
I carved out a little space for myself, for my thoughts reflected inward; and that little space turned out to be the densest little cannibal that sucked in the whole universe.
Original
A grasp of originality comes from knowing what’s already been said; for many, there is still a great deal that is very original.
I need
I need a better enemy than death. I need more motivation than my own survival.
Auto type
I see in words. When I look out at a scene a typewriter plays across the middle describing it. I have thought so much about how can I put this into English? Now it happens automatically.
Needing nothing
I wake up with my best friend and make breakfast. We party all day in the forest. In the morning it is clear and sunny and at night it is dark and foggy. We eat. We are tired. On our way home, I think I am needing nothing. When my best friend leaves I set on the edge of my bed and wonder what to do. I am tired but not sleepy. I look at some things. I read a little. I live a whole lifetime in a day. Accidentally, I fall asleep. I wake new and with refreshed needs. I get out of bed curious about my new life and the change of scenery.
Pupils
After a purifying experience the darks of my pupils are black and clear and reflective.
Like a god
My hair is fairer when I’m with you; my skin is complected like a god’s.
Lightshow
Close your eyes and stay awake long enough to see the lightshow on the back of your own eyelids.
Modern man
We’re always trying to feel and think while our instincts are just trying to survive.
Book by its cover
People become who they are because of how they look.
Coffee
The reason the coffee affects me so is that I treat it so damn serious: I feel the surge and look inside and multiply the effect.
Photoception
A photo of a photo of a photo of a photo of someone taking a selfie.
Permanence
I feel a need for permanence. As much as I enjoy a present moment, still I want it to be notated or remembered.
Two unnamed artists
In between two unnamed artists in the backseat, “unknown artist” reads on the radio, up and coming they say we are, right here we are, a writer and a musician.
Bassi
All around the Christmas trees were pine cones the size of both my fists put together. We trekked on a trail that was grassed underneath and wooded on either side. We stepped out of the trail into an open clearing. It looked like a giant had stamped through here and crushed redwoods underneath his toes and picked up tall trees like twigs and thrown them aside. With all the debris the trail was less defined except where regular sized human toes had pressed down the giant crushed redwood splinters. Following this we found the trail. This trail was more eclectic underneath and not all the woods on either side were still standing. Some were fallen.
Amoral art
There is no reason we should be the way we are—this is my amoral argument for art.
The same sureness
For a while when I was young in the time between after I gained my intellect and before now, I was depressed. Because I learned enough to believe that truth was important. But began to doubt the truths I had from before.
See, before I was just a physical young boy and went with my instincts. As I learned, sometimes a thought overwhelmed my instinct. The only trouble was that there were so many thoughts, all of which did not agree with each other. At least my instincts were consistent.
So before I learned, I was happy. And after, I was troubled. But now, I have found consistency in some thoughts, like love and balance, and I am happy again. So that now I feel the same sureness of my boyhood.
Stimulants and depressants
I naturally feel like I’ve had stimulants and depressants at the same time and my baseline swells, like my undulations normally strung along in time have been crunched down into one tick at the origin of the x-axis and my emotion goes infinitely up and infinitely down the y-axis.
Float
I’m living this weird romantic lifestyle where I’m so well cared for that I float away from my body and its needs. Comfortably within the system carried along by my genes and upbringing—this is how I float up and away from myself.
Characters
I spent time avoiding my art and living other lives; but I do not regret it because I got to know my characters.
Fill up
I run around and see and shout and hear myself and find people and smile at them and breathe in to fill up with it all.
Chameleon
I am obsessed with living other people’s lives, not playing pretend and dressing up, but actually taking on their abilities and emotions.
Puzzle
Writers are puzzle-put-togetherers. We experience the world through the lens of a language. We hear a word and see its descriptee. I say a word to find out what it means to you. A child sifting through puzzle pieces. I lose some under the couch. And find ones in the rug. And friends bring over new ones. Each piece gets bigger and more colorful. For example my pieces for ‘love’ and ‘energy’ swell and blossom. More than half the pieces are still missing. On top the coffee table is a pile of pieces and a few islands of connected pieces; one is the biggest and forms a corner but still jagged at its hypotenuse. I’m starting to think there are not enough pieces in the pile to complete the puzzle. I might go back to the store and ask for a complete set. Or just cut them myself. A friend comes over and I show her the puzzle. She says “i like this corner.” And pulls out a piece from her pocket and adds to the jagged hypotenuse. “Do you mind?” “Not at all.” I started to reconsider cutting pieces myself.
Forest drive
We travel through forests more quickly, forty-four miles per hour to be exact, in Steven’s jeep on a neatly paved road that winds. Listening to a song by The Stray Birds called I Dream in Blue.
I like to ride along. Getting somewhere, and also watching at the windows like a film with only tree characters. The wind comes in and we blow it back out the open windows. Not the first little chipmunk runs across the road. I hope the road never ends.
Stone face
His face was one that had been washed over and over again like a smooth stone in the river.
Modern life
The greatest problem is to see how much we can consume without getting sick. And that is not just food but also art and books and knowledge. They say an immortal man has already been born.
Built for war
There were not any good wars for me to go off and join, the greatest problem I’ve ever had is that everything’s been solved already.
Archetypes
I met all the characters I could; now I just meet archetypes.
This right here
Everything leads up to this point. I feel like this all the time. Like everything begins and ends here.
Yogi
There is a point in your life when you must slow down. You cannot keep going going going. There is enough to go around. There is enough for everything.
Run
He ran all over the city to find it, then couldn’t run fast enough home once he had gotten it. The kind of thing he had been running after all over the world for some time. In his head he couldn’t quite tell if it was the right one, but he wouldn’t know for sure until he got it down on paper.
He was running with Peter and he said to him, “Pete, I need you to remember a sentence.”
“O-kay.” Peter said with a breath in between.
“Ready?”
“Yes.”
“Amid uncertainty … “
Pete repeated it back to him.
“That’s right.”
“I like it.”
Max liked it too. It sounded good out loud.
“Amid uncertainty, rather than say I am nothing, I would like to say that I am everything. but perhaps that is just the God in me.”
Max ran until he couldn’t, and then he ran more. He had to get back to his desk to write down that sentence. He wasn’t sure if it was quite right. But then again he wasn’t even sure if it was the sort of thing that could be right, or if it even was the type of thing that could be said. Or, if it was the type of thing that someone just holds within them, that drives them forward. It could fill up the world, refusing ephemeral words, but embracing with all joy the cycle of life that never ends.